Saturday, December 15, 2012






Well, actually, if I calm down a bit and type more rationally, I've mostly been thinking Dwarf-related stuff. For obvious reasons.

Introducing Fili, Thorin, and Kili, nigh-unanimous fan-favorites. Yeeeepppp. Every bit as pretty as we thought they'd be. Let us all just pause for a moment and admire Thrain's gene pool, shall we? (As someone said on Tumblr.)
The rest of this post, I warn you, shall contain my insanites about The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. There will be lots of pictures and silliness. You are warned.
Also, **SPOILERS**!!!
I am horrible about accidentally spoiling things for relatives, especially with regards to books I've already read. I remember one of my cousins was reading Eldest and I asked her, "So, have you got to the part where Murtagh comes back?" She was ready to hit me with the book...

First things first. I'd like to know what planet in the Milky Way the critics of the movie are on, and just what movie they were watching. BECAUSE IT WAS AWESOME. I was grinning like an idiot through the whole thing. I think this movie's going to be a base breaker: people who love the book will love it. Those who don't like the book or haven't read it won't like it so much; they'll say it's too long and too slow and has too many Dwarves.

Personally, I love each and every Dwarf. I can't even decide which is my favorite, it's that bad. My favorite three are definitely those pictured above. XD Although I loved Fili and Kili for their personalities long before the movie.

The whole thing was generally EPIC. There were two songs (I am currently listening to "Blunt the Knives," which is the FUNNIEST thing of all time) which I was practically singing along with. The prologue with all the shots of the Kingdom of Erebor in all its glory literally caused my jaw to drop. It was so beautiful. And Thorin... simply Thorin.... EPIC.

The acting was flawless, it really was. Bilbo and Thorin were perfectly cast, and if you're not drooling over Fili and Kili, I'm not sure what to say... Gollum looked better than ever, with a mixture of hilarious/spine-chilling expressions, which absolutely nailed the "Riddles in the Dark" scene. Thranduil... Well, he's Legolas's dad, so we should probably have expected the rather eerie prima donna stare he gave the camera for all of 10 seconds, and his crown is growing on me, but...


Hahahaha, there is already an intense fan debate over whether it's a moose, an elk, or an extinct Megaloceros. *snerk* Maybe we should just all dub it the 'war cervid' and move on.

The humor was priceless. I am perfectly fine with the characters not taking themselves overly seriously, and I'm one of the people who thinks the Wilhelm Scream is hilarious! So I loved Goblintown (my brother has been imitating the little goblin secretary ever since we left the theater).

Azog is my one drawback. Personally, I think the concept was great. He's called "the Pale Orc" and "the Defiler" (I suppose I really don't want to know why and how he got the last title) and comes complete with a white Warg. He had the potential to be really epic. But he just looked too CGI to me.

However, it was not enough to dim my enthusiasm for everything else in the movie!!!

Okay, now for individual gushes over the Dwarves.

Just Dwalin. He is truly the big 'biker' guy of the Dwarves he called himself in an interview. He even wanted to name his pony Harley! He also said that he's pretty sure one of his tattoos says something like, "If you can read this, I must be punching your face." And in the flashback to the Battle of Azanulbizar, he has a MOHAWK!!! This has been dubbed the Dwarfhawk on DeviantArt. No joke. (If you can't tell, I've practically lived on Tumblr,, and DeviantArt today looking for reactions to the movies.)
Oh, and I saw the movie yesterday at noon, on the day it came out, before anyone else in my family (well, I saw it with my sister and brother). So I've had over 24 hours to cool down and I'm still going nuts.
Okay. Deep breath. Next Dwarf.

Or Dwarves. It's probably easier to do them piecemeal. Ori, Dori, Nori, from left to right. Nori only got one line towards the end of the movie, poor guy. I like Jed Brophy, and Nori's starfish hairdo has grown on me.
Dori had a random refined side I wasn't expecting. He showed up with a teapot and teacups on a tray at the scene in Bag End and offered Gandalf some chamomile tea. Seriously. Gandalf asked for red wine instead. Some time later, Dori retuend with tiny little hobbit shot glasses of wine. Oh, and Gandalf hit his head on the chandelier again. PRICELESS.
Ori is so cute! And cute in a, "Aw, look at the polite little baby Dwarf!" sort of way, not like the fangirl, "SQUEE! IT'S KILI!" sort of way. His slingshot... lol. He shot a rock at a Warg... No sell. Then he panicked.
Oh, and Peter Jackson? Ori is NOT the youngest Dwarf. Kili is. Now, thanks to you, there'll be a lot of movie-only people thinking Ori is the youngest.
Bombur, Bofur, and Bifur.
Bombur and Bifur didn't really get to do much in this movie, but, have no fears, they'll have more to do in the next one! Bifur did get one line to Gandalf in Bag End (in Khuzdul, of course).
Bofur... *sigh* I WANT HIS HAT! I seriously do! If someone could get me that hat for Christmas, I would be very happy. It doesn't hurt that Bofur is HILARIOUS!!! I know absolutely nothing about James Nesbitt and I am now a fan of his. Bofur is priceless. He feels compelled to tell Bilbo, in great detail, how he will die via dragon fire. Cue Bilbo fainting.
One of the best scenes I wasn't expecting (I had read all about the plot changes so I would be prepared for them and not be sitting in the theater going, "AHHH! WHAT DID THEY JUST DO TO THE PLOT????") was Bofur's conversation with Bilbo when the hobbit tries leaving the Company up in the Misty Mountains. Bilbo accidentally hurts Bofur's feelings, there's a nice discussion of home, and Bofur sincerely wishes Bilbo all the luck in the world. :) It's so nice to see the Company's relationship with Bilbo improving. (Also, later, Fili and Kili's remark about how they thought they'd lost their burglar.) It's also nice to see another side to Bofur.
Plus, the conversation where Bilbo admits to his homesickness but decides to help the Dwarves get their home back on the other side of the mountains was great. When I first saw it in a trailer, I thought it was a non-sequitur and didn't like it. However, in light of his conversation with Bofur and with the choice Bilbo has to make about staying with the Company, I thought it was perfect.

Again, Oin and Gloin didn't really get to do anything special. Oin didn't even get to demonstrate that he's the medic of the group. Rats. However, they were there and kicked epic goblin butt, just like everyone else.
On that note- Kili has pretty darn good reflexes for a dwarf! Deflecting goblin arrows with his sword... *marvels* Instant fan theory: Kili has the Force.
If you do not know which one is Fili and which one is Kili, you are a very sad person.
Kili is the one on the right, for your information, and Fili is on the left.
Again, it's not just the looks (which I make no attempt to deny), it's also the personalities. Ahh, the cheerful young dwarves off on their first great adventure... Their entry to Bag End... PRICELESS.
*together*"At your service!"
And then Bilbo tries shutting the door on them. Kili: "What, has it been canceled?" Fili: "Nobody told us." Bilbo: "No, nothing's been cancelled..." Cue Fili and Kili barging on in. I couldn't help but crack up as Fili nonchalantly handed his swords to Bilbo with, "Careful. I just had the sharpened," while Kili is looking around at Bag End and going, "Nice place. Did you build it yourself?" and wiping the mud on his boots off on Bilbo's furniture... XP
Just... oh my goodness... Fili and Kili... Sadly, no shots of them turning cartwheels in the entry hall. I suppose there's still hope for that to make it into the extended edition. However, it has now firmly become my headcanon that they practice plate-tossing at home. How else do you explain the fact that Fili can toss a plate down a hall, Kili can catch it, spin around, and toss it into the kitchen in the blink of an eye? Without dropping it? Or chipping it? (Or blunting the knives??!!) AND they used mostly real plates for that scene, too!!!
There wasn't all the Thorin-nephews interaction that I hoped for, but there was some. In fact, I don't think it explictly said that they're his nephews. I guess I'm just so used to knowing that they are... Thorin did kind of snap at Kili at one point for joking about orcs (he and Fili were trying to scare Bilbo), and just the dejected look on Kili's face... Awwww. No wonder Balin started explaining stuff to cheer him up.
However, during the mountain giants scene... A few Dwarves get stuck on a different giant or giant appendege (it was hard to tell), Kili among them. For a split second, you get a look of fear on Fili's face. Poor guy. The brothers are inseparable, you know? And then when the other giant smashes into the mountain... And Thorin goes, "KILI!!"
Me: "Awwww!" *melts in a puddle warm goo*
And then at the end, where Thorin's down and Bilbo goes completely EPIC stepping in to defend him, Fili and Kili join him fighting Azog and the Wargs. Awesome scene, of course, but... sent chills down my spine. Deja vu, really. Because.... well, I don't want to spoil it for anybody. You just have to read the book.
Oh, yes, and finally:
I knew I was going to like Thorin. I knew it. I really did. But Fili and Kili were my favorites. Then I saw the movie. Now there's a three-way tie for number one.
THORIN IS THE MOST EPIC THING IN THE HISTORY OF EPICNESS!!! And I am not a person who overuses the word 'epic' in everyday conversation, either. No, I save 'epic' for appropriate spots, like, say, right now, in application to Thorin Oakenshield.
Just. Gah. Daaaaaaang. Thorin.
You know why I think I've decided I'd like him as my king over Aragorn? Because it takes Aragorn three movies to look like a king. Thorin? Looks like a king from the first instant he's on screen and just runs with it. Even when he's reduced to working iron in a forge for Men. Still a king. Just something in his presence. He is the King under the Mountain, and don't you forget it.
The song... gah... the song...
Far over the Misty Mountains cold
To dungeons deep and caverns old
We must away ere break of day
To find our long-forgotten gold
The pines were roaring on the height
The winds were moaning in the night
The fire was red, it flaming spread
The trees like torches blazed with light
And, yes, that was entirely from memory.
And the actors REALLY SING THE SONG! SERIOUSLY! I found a clip of them on an actual soundstage, recording the song. EPIC.
Oh, and once Thorin gets his hands on Orcrist? He becomes a spinning blur of pure death and destruction. I saw in an interview that Richard Armitage said that the sword seemed to have a motion of its own, due to its unique shape, and so once you got it going it was more a matter of hanging onto it and going along for the ride. Watching Thorin just spin and take out goblins from all directions on a rickety board bridge... AMAZING.
Just... gah... THORIN!!!
Although I have failed miserably at isolating only one favorite character, I CAN tell you my favorite moment of the movie!!!
Drumroll, please!
No, NOT the fact that I have to wait an entire year for the next installment, but what actually happens then. And I am going to share it all with you, so MASSIVE SPOILERS!
Consider yourselves warned!
Anyway, Thorin climbs down out of the flaming tree (EPIC. I assure you, that picture is among my nice little collection of Dwarves that forms my screensaver slideshow) to fight Azog, but Azog sics his Warg on him (cheater!), so Thorin is down. Bilbo runs to defend him. Seriously. Bilbo. Alone against Wargs and orcs. And he manages to not die! Fili and Kili run to help him, of course. Then the eagles come... *sobs uncontrollably*  It's even better than when Frodo gets rescued from Orodruin!! The eagle swooping down in slow-motion to grab Thorin... so beautiful!!! And then the shot of all the eagles flying with the Dwarves, Gandalf, and Bilbo... and you're thinking, "Where's Fili and Kili?" And then the camera pans over to the eagle carrying them (yep, both of 'em) and Fili yells, "THORIN!" while they're still in flight, because Thorin isn't moving...
And then they land on the Carrock and Gandalf goes to check on Thorin and he isn't moving and even though I knew he would be okay I was amazing at how convincing PJ was at making everyone in the theater who hadn't read the book freak out and then he moved and I was like YESSSS! And he asked first for their burglar and Gandalf was like, "Bilbo's here. We're safe," and THORIN GETS UP and goes to Bilbo and gets all angry at him- seriously, like a parent screaming, "YOU COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED!" And he goes on to say how he said Bilbo couldn't fight and had no place in his Company and then he pauses and goes, "I have never been so glad to be wrong," and HUGS BILBO and it is the BEST ABSOLUTE EPIC HEARTWARMING MOMENT OF THE ENTIRE THING!!!
I wanted to cry!
And I am ready to shoot all the BilboxThorin shippers that were born that instant because they are horrible beings with shipping goggles who can't even allow the tiniest bit of friendship to go by without screaming, "I SHIP IT!" and throwing down a mug like Thor and screaming, "ANOTHER!"
Ahem. I also have my gun ready for all those insane GaladrielxGandalf shippers. AND the ElrondxGandalf shippers. Seriously??? Do people not know about the existence of Celeborn? He was even in two of the movies! And Celebrian! Seriously, Celebrian! Read the Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth, years one and two, and fall in love with CANON (and Elves in Black Leather).
Oh, and second favorite moment? I've named it, too.
No, not the epic bunny sled, although I loved it a lot, too.
Haha, I don't know why, but somehow the part about Bilbo wandering after them carrying the bowls of soup and the way they're just standing there motionless with blank looks on their faces. You can practically read their minds: "Thorin's going to kill us." "Yup."
And their actual lines? "We're supposed to be guarding the ponies." "But we're having a problem. There's only 14 instead of 18."
AGH, who am I kidding, just go see the movie now!!!
Have just reviewed Tumblr some more. Have come to the conclusion that the fact that Fili and Kili are Thorin's nephew should have been spelled out VERY CLEARLY for the idiotic audiences. Because there are ThorinxKili shippers. Seriously. However, some of them likely wouldn't care anyway about blood relationships, would they?
I'm almost scared to see what's happened to the Hobbit section of in my absence of a few days. I'll bet it's exploded.
Well, I've got my gun ready. And I'm still hyper so my aim probably wouldn't be very good. *grins maniacally*
Come and get me.
In Pace Christi,



  1. Hello,

    Just read your review of the Hobbit - Absolutely fabulous!!!

    I saw the Hobbit on 28th December with my dear husband and our two nieces and nephew.

    I was blown away by it and am itching to see it again!

    I agree with every point and observation you've made! The Dwarf song just sent chills down my back. So beautifully sung and felt so "real". The exposition explaining about the loss of Erebor and showing the trees burning etc, which then meant the lyrics (which I had loved before) now "fell into place" and I love them even more!!

    I am itching to see the second and third films! Why couldn't film 2 come out THIS summer and the 3rd come out at Christmas instead of 2nd at Christmas and the 3rd Summer 2014!

    Thanks for posting your review. Its wonderfully balanced from the silly critics views and also from some hard core Hobbit book fans who are complaining that additional stuff has been added (when they complained that stuff was removed from LOTRO!).

  2. Oh and shipping??? That really does have to stop! Definitely!!



  3. Thank you for the review, I really liked it. It's so good to encounter a fellow NON-shipper! All the Thorin/Bilbo shipping makes me sad. Those two had the most heartbreaking moment and people just need to put a label on it.

  4. Good heavens, people!

    Haha, I never expected people to find this hyper review of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey and comment on it! I am deeply touched. I am also encouraged by the presence of other non-shippers. Hooray!

    In Pace Christi,