Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Useless Things I Have Learned

A small number of completely pointless facts that I have learned about UNA in the half of a semester I have spent there, presented in no sort of coherent order whatsoever...

1. The faucet handles in the bathroom in the basement of Collier Library do NOT operate on the principles of 'righty tighty, lefty loosey'. In fact, they work COMPLETELY BACKWARDS and if you are not quick to grasp this fact you will end up with the front of your shirt absolutely soaked.

2. Most bathroom doors do not have adequately-working latches. Some don't have latches at all. This is why UNA (as well as most other colleges) have decided that it is good and well for students to carry around overloaded backpacks. These backpacks serve as nifty doorstoppers in the (gasp!) event of a bathroom door not latching.

3. There is a universal consensus that the stature of the lion sitting up with a book in its paw next to the victory flame is about the stupidest thing on campus. I sit in that general vicinity quite a lot and have heard numerous people mock the statue as they walk by. Today, someone had taped a flyer for the Snore-Ala on it. And, no, I had absolutely nothing to do with that and I haven't even looked at one of those papers, so it wasn't me behind that, either.

4. The perfect time to go get lunch in the GUC is at precisely 10:50. The people who have classes at 11 are vacating their seats; those who just got out haven't made it to the building yet. The lines are minimal and there are actually such things as empy tables.

5. Someone must have a weird sense of humor. As I was leaving the bathroom on the main floor of the GUC (thank goodness for overloaded backpacks, again...), there was a bright orange sign taped to the inside of the door: "CAUTION. OUT OF ORDER." Soooooo.... the door was out of order?

6. The stairs in the back of Bibb Graves are much less strenuous than those in the front. At least, so I am told. I have yet to try them out. It would be embarrassing to be late for class halfway through the semester because I got lost. And I'm getting used to the stairs.

7. Dr. Bibbee called the squirrels "rats with fuzzy tails" the first day of class. He may be right. If you are eating outside, the squirrels will stalk you. They will circle you, standing on their hind legs and sniffing, looking cute and hoping you will toss them something. And they won't go away, either. They'll stare at you for fifteen minutes in hopes of a crumb. Persistent little things. I tried to get a picture of one, but he wouldn't stay still.

8. The temperature is exactly 60 degrees in the language lab on the top floor of Wesleyan. Bring a parka. You'll want it. You know it's cold when people start debating in French on the wipe boards about how cold it is...

9. Floyd Science Building is, by contrast, the warmest building I have been in on campus, especially in the basement. I will fall asleep in it one day.

10. No one knows what any of the buildings are called, except for the GUC. I usually call it the Guillot. And my dad still calls it the Student Union Building...

11. What does the Latin on the university seal mean? "Lux Veritas Orbis Terrarum." Who translated that? I'm guessing it's supposed to mean, "Light and Truth across the Face of the Earth," but that would be properly rendered differently... As it is, everything appears to be in the nominative case.

12. You can get suspended or expelled for taking a swim in the Harrison Fountain! I have yet to see anyone try this. Perhaps they too have seen the camera mounted on the front of Keller Hall.

13. I have yet to see anyone demonstrate against the enforced busing in the president's yard, although I suspect this may be tried as it gets colder and the students less tolerant of long waits.

That's all I can think of a the moment. I'm sure I'll learn more. Ha!
In Pace Christi,


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