Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Shakespeare's Best Comedy

...is undoubtedly Romeo and Juliet. I've been saying this for years and no one will listen.

Oh, you don't believe me? Go check out a DVD of a production of it from the library. That's what we did. My sister is covering Shakespeare right now, and so the most logical thing was to find the plays on DVD's and watch them. For SCIENCE, you know. It's supposed to help understand the plays better.

Too bad it consists entirely of melodramatic men spouting poetry while wearing tights.

And do you know what the best part was? It starred Alan Rickman as Tybalt! Yes, THAT Alan Rickman. We laughed ourselves silly over 'Snape in tights'. So, of course, he killed Mercutio, and then Romeo (who is a grade-A certified idiot, in anyone's books) killed him to get revenge.

Ironically, Snape-in-tights was the least bad-looking dude int he play. (With the dubious exception of poor Balthasar.) Honestly, Romeo was hideous. The fluffy, curly, gray-blond hairstyle did NOT help.  Tybalt, on the other hand (a.k.a., Snape-in-tights) had a dark bowl cut and managed to actually look like Spock. And he managed to look like Spock without also looking completely ridiculous. So props to Alan Rickman for being the only part of the play I could take seriously.

But, really, Romeo and Juliet is in the rnning for Shakspeare's best comedy. I mean, it has lines of pure gold, like these:

(1) "I am slain!" - Well, yes, Paris, we sort of gathered that. Particularly as Romeo has just stabbed you three or four times.

(2) "Come tomorrow, I shall be a grave man." - Mercutio makes puns even as he dies. This line was funny even in the book.

(3) "The grrrrrrround is bloody!" - The way that dude said it wins the award for the best trilled r ever. He also wins the Legolas Award for Captain Obvious-ing.

(4) "A plague on both your houses!" - Mercutio said this at least three times, each time more dramatically than the last. The last time, he was being hauled away, bleeding. He had to pause to spit out blood in between words. Hilarious.

Now, I may sound like a sociopath or something here, but I was laughing through the whole movie. Honestly.

Do you know what I think would have made for a MUCH better ending? Juliet started ranting at one point about having to hide in a mausoleum with all these other dead bodies. I couldn't understand half of what she was saying, but I definitely heard Tybalt's name. And so - wouldn't it have been AWESOME if Tybalt had returned fromt he dead as a zombie and interrupted the wedding between Paris and Juliet??!! XD

I think it would have been the best plot twist of all time.

That, or when Romeo was doing his insane rambling in the mausoleum and started assuring Tybalt's dead body that it should be glad, since Romeo was killing himself and thus 'avenging' Tybalt's murder. Just take a moment and imagine Romeo's face if Tybalt had leapt up at that point (assuming zombies can leap) and had attacked him. Bonus points if he killed him and ate his brains.

Shakespeare could have brought a happy ending out of it that way. Zombie!Tybalt could have delayed Romeo long enough for Friar Lawrence to get there and explain everything. See? Ta-da! Instant happy ending. Zombies make everything better.

And how could anyone say no to Zombie Spock Snape In tights? I mean, really. It's made of win.

I know I'm right, because they've already made a movie on these lines. Warm Bodies is totally just Romeo and Juliet WITH ZOMBIES! However, that one begins with zombies. It doesn't save them for a surprising plot twist. That's why my idea is so much better. Someoen should stage it. You think you know how it will all end, and then... BLAM! Zombie!Tybalt saves the day.

I am a genius. XD

In Pace Christi,


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