Tuesday, January 7, 2014

A Simple Explanation of Governments, Using Cows

It is imperative upon me to post this thing I have seen several times on Tumblr. It is too funny (and too accurate) not to reblog. Without further ado:

  • Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.
  • Communism: You have 2 cows; the government takes both and gives you some milk.
  • Fascism: You have 2 cows; the government takes both and sells you some milk.
  • Nazism: You have 2 cows; the government takes both and shoots you.
  • Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows; the government takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and throws the milk away.
  • Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
  • An American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.
  • A French Corporation: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want 3 cows.
  • A Japanese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then created a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
  • An Italian Corporation: You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
  • A Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows. None belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
  • A Chinese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
  • An Iraqi Corporation: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them you have none. No one believes you and they bomb you. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a democracy.
  • Counter Culture: "Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!"
  • Surrealism: You have 2 giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
  • Apathyologism: You have 2 cows. You do not care.
  • Fatalism: You have 2 doomed cows.
  • Atheism: You have 2 cows. There is no God.
  • A West-Country Corporation: You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
  • A Brazilian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You pay taxes for 6 cows. You have to sell one cow in order to pay the taxes. Your remaining cow gets sick and dies while waiting for availability in the public vet hospital.
  • PETA: You  have 2 cows. You kill them both. You then use naked women to convince other people that killing cows is wrong.
  • Moffat: You have 2 cows. Both of them are your daughters time-traveling from the past where they had a brief love affair with Leonardo da Vinci, making you the rightful Queen of England. As you assume the throne, you throw them off a building.
  • Romney: You have 2 cows. You are still not the President of the United States.
  • An Irish Corporation: You have a million cows because they're everywhere.
  • Tumblr: You have 2 cows. You ship them together and make GIF posts screaming about how much you love your cows, but they should stop existing because they are so perfect.
  • Also Tumblr: I give you a hamburger.
  • Cows: The things you go through.
  • This post: Started off as a post that explained different governments but then everything changed when the fire nation attacked.
  • The Fire Nation: You have 2 cows. One banishes the other and sends it to go regain its honor.
The only thing that could possibly improve this post is a reference to Thud!:
  • Discworld: THAT! IS!! NOT!!! MY!!!! COW!!!!!
There. Now it is perfect. XD

In Pace Christi,


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