I have a magical gift. I can make the sun come out on any overcast day.


All I have to do is get in the car without my sunglasses.

A Simple Explanation of Governments, Using Cows

It is imperative upon me to post this thing I have seen several times on Tumblr. It is too funny (and too accurate) not to reblog. Without further ado:

• Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.
• Communism: You have 2 cows; the government takes both and gives you some milk.
• Fascism: You have 2 cows; the government takes both and sells you some milk.
• Nazism: You have 2 cows; the government takes both and shoots you.
• Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows; the government takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and throws the milk away.
• Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
• An American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.
• A French Corporation: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want 3 cows.
• A Japanese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then created a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
• An Italian Corporation: You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
• A Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows. None belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
• A Chinese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
• An Iraqi Corporation: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them you have none. No one believes you and they bomb you. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a democracy.
• Counter Culture: "Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!"
• Surrealism: You have 2 giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
• Apathyologism: You have 2 cows. You do not care.
• Fatalism: You have 2 doomed cows.
• Atheism: You have 2 cows. There is no God.
• A West-Country Corporation: You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
• A Brazilian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You pay taxes for 6 cows. You have to sell one cow in order to pay the taxes. Your remaining cow gets sick and dies while waiting for availability in the public vet hospital.
• PETA: You  have 2 cows. You kill them both. You then use naked women to convince other people that killing cows is wrong.
• Moffat: You have 2 cows. Both of them are your daughters time-traveling from the past where they had a brief love affair with Leonardo da Vinci, making you the rightful Queen of England. As you assume the throne, you throw them off a building.
• Romney: You have 2 cows. You are still not the President of the United States.
• An Irish Corporation: You have a million cows because they're everywhere.
• Tumblr: You have 2 cows. You ship them together and make GIF posts screaming about how much you love your cows, but they should stop existing because they are so perfect.
• Also Tumblr: I give you a hamburger.
• Cows: The things you go through.
• This post: Started off as a post that explained different governments but then everything changed when the fire nation attacked.
• The Fire Nation: You have 2 cows. One banishes the other and sends it to go regain its honor.

The only thing that could possibly improve this post is a reference to Thud!:

• Discworld: THAT! IS!! NOT!!! MY!!!! COW!!!!!

There. Now it is perfect. XD


In Pace Christi,


Elyse

It's December - I Can Post This Now

I can also run around the house singing Christmas carols and no one can stop me. Mwahahahaha.

*ahem*

May you all have a blessed Advent.

In Pace Christi,

Elyse

Admit It, You've Had One Of These Moments

Would you nuke the class or not?

It reminds me of the passage from early on in The School of Good and Evil where Agatha farts to get rid of a bunch of too-inquisitive princesses. The narrator comments at about this point: "A true diversion creates both chaos and panic. Agatha delivered on both accounts."

XD What can I say? I have juvenile humor. Life with two younger brothers ensures that.

In Pace Christi,

Elyse

Some More Funnies

Really? Balloons? What do they have against poor, innocent balloons? This is very hateful and discriminatory of this museum. I think a protest needs to be staged.

There has to be a warning for this???!!! What is the world coming to?

Life just works that way, doesn't it?

Poor, poor Stormtrooper...

Science jargon. Now you know everything you need to know.

Bribing the spiders... hmm... we have not tried that yet. We shall file that tidbit away for future reference, in case we are reduced to such an extremity.

True story. I sort of lay there and glare at it. It is evil.

Fortunately, I have never done this. At least, I have never involved the dog. The dog is too stupid for tea parties, anyway.

Modern parenting for you. You have to start the kids early on these things, so they can learn the complex ins and outs while their brains are still young enough to develop the neurons. Y'know?

Awww... look! It's Master Chief and Mini Master Chief! D'awww...

For some reason, that really is cute. :)

In Pace Christi,

Elyse

A Glorious Mishmash of Star Wars, Star Trek, Doctor Who, and Some Other Stuff

Yes, the Other Stuff is important and must be billed. Or, in other words, I have found the geek section of FailBlog and am now supplementing my fandoms with funny pictures and other good stuff. Heaven knows I do not need to get on Tumblr. It's a black hole, filled with captions. I do not need to go there...

Does the light side have chocolate chip cookies? That's the most important question.

This is LEGO's and so it is automatically adorable. (How is Darth Vader held up?? With invisible tape???)

I do not remember him from Goblet of Fire. Granted, I watched that movie all of one time and probably had no idea who David Tennant was at that time. But now I know the rest of the story and can appreciate this.

I also have that gif of the Doctor from which that last picture is taken. :)

Now I will think of this every time. HEADCANON ACCEPTED!

It has a point. (Are the two second-from-the-right pictures from Game of Thrones? The guy on the bottom looks vaguely familiar and I can think of nothing else.)

R2D2 appears in Star Trek Into Darkness. Betcha didn't know that, did you?

Now this is pumpkin carving taken to the next level!

This explains everything. Grumpy Cat has millions of clones and they inhabit the Daleks.

Incidentally, our paper ran a short article on Grumpy Cat today. Apparently, her real name is Tardar Sauce (sic) and she is now advertising for Purina. Or something like that. I was astonished that they had actually found the real Grumpy Cat, but also weirdly delighted. Yay Grumpy Cat!

At first I was inclined to be offended, and then I saw, "EXCOMMUNICATE," and started giggling. Catholics do have the best sense of humor.

I'm also surprised that the 'cardinal' Daleks are wearing birettas. I'm even more surprised that the 'pope' Dalek is not wearing the three-layered tiara, but rather an ordinary (if white and bejeweled) miter. Go figure.

Mishmashes of music with any of my favorite fandoms are always acceptable. However, just know that '9/8' and '7/8' are not actually called compound time and complex time. They're generally called... just '9/8' and '7/8' time. Surprise, surprise.

Still laughing hysterically over this one. I have such a weird sense of humor. I am also one of those weird people who laugh instead of groaning at bad puns...

In Pace Christi,

Elyse

Who Else Feels Better After Some Random Pictures?

I do. It helps. De-stressing in non-destructive ways is a good thing. I am a firm believer in humor as a de-stressing technique. Funny pictures constitute humor. Therefore, funny pictures are a good de-stressing technique.

There. My logic is infallible. XD

Let's start with some squirrels.

 

 

 

 

I wish I had that teacher.

 

Actually, I did have two chemistry teachers my second semester who were that awesome. (To demonstrate, the Friday before spring break, when about 12 out of the 72 people in the class showed up, my teacher for lecture took us outside to the courtyard and we SET BALLOONS ON FIRE.) In fact, their combined awesomeness is pretty much the reason why I changed my major to chemistry.

 

Of course, I do not have either of them now. :( And one of them is retiring after this year. His awesomeness shall be deeply missed.

 

 

Tony Stark/Iron Man would also make an awesome teacher, although I'm not sure what exactly we would be learning or how much of it we would learn. I doubt we would become experts in thermonuclear astrophysics overnight. But perhaps we could take a few basic classes, like Electronics 101, Building Power Suits In Caves Out Of Scraps 201, and Sarcastic One-Liners 211.

 

And awesomeness would be had by all.

 

 

 

Why, yes, I do think so.

 

Is this proof that software designers actually do have a sense of humor, buried deep underneath the strata of sadism that compels them to design computers the way they do? Perhaps we shall never know for sure.

 

 

Why, yes, I rather think so again.

 

 

 

Once more, ladies and gentlemen: why, yes, I rather think so.

 

 

Now this is a teacher with a sense of humor. Gotta love those teachers. They're always my favorites, even when they go an assign a huge paper for you to work on while you're trying to study other subjects for tests and the like...

 

 

 

Creative nutritional label!

 

 

I would be worried. Very worried. In fact, I might not get on the plane at all.

 

 

This is very true. The desks that you have to swivel up and over to write on them are especially annoying, particuarly when they have different mechanisms from building to building. You couldn't just buy one type of this desk?

 

 

Oops is right.

 

 

 

 

 

Finally got one of 'em! They've been scurrying around all day!

 

 

 

Every store and office needs this sign!! XD

 

 

 

And now we know how raisins are made. The little men - ant-men? miniature gnomes? What are we to call this diminutive folk? - take out their equally tiny compressors and squeze all the uice out of the grapes. Where the juice goes, I do not know. Perhaps they siphon it away to feed their dying civilization underneath the counter? Perhaps they are merely paid to do this?

 

It is fascinating to consider the possibilities.

 

 

 

Well, there are. Sort of. It's just they don't apply all the time, so they might as well not even exist.

 

Gah.

 

And don't even get me started on our alphabet or our spelling. It's atrocious. I'm really glad English is my native language because I would never want to learn it otherwise!!!!

 

 

 

Oh, yikes. Do people think toilets are magical garbage disposal units and that they can just flush everything down it with no ill effect? The mind boggles...

 

I pity those poor plumbers who had to deal with this stuff!

 

In Pace Christi,

 

Elyse



















MORE Pictures!

I'm guessing this roadwork was done in Gotham, and that somebody was looking for Batman to save the day. How this would be more visible than a sign up in the sky, I'm not sure. And while we're on the subject, what do they do when they need Batman and the night sky is not cloudy? Or what happens if they need him during the daytime?
Comic book writers. Their stuff is as full of plotholes as Swiss cheese.

Refrigerators... no longer just stainless steel - they now come in carbonite!! Order now, and get the exclusive Jabba Snack Dish for free!

I am still laughing hysterically over this one, and it's the third or fourth time I've looked at it! Poop on their cats... lol.

I would dub this a hilarious case of 'following the letter of the law, not the spirit'. However, the bathroom was cleaned very well, I must say. The paper flag and the note of, "WELCOME TO AMERICA - enjoy your stay!" are especially nice touches. Harry Potter on the toilet seals it. Lol.

Couch art. Now, that is a new concept. I have written on couches myself, but never to this extent. This is actually some seriously good art. How on earth was it drawn? I don't think you can get that kind of precision with just your finger.

Even so... that is a really good Gandalf. It's just amazing how it could be managed on that kind of material. The injuction on the seat cushion takes the cake, though. "You shall not sit." That meme is up there with, "One does not simply..."  Everyone knows of it (or should) by now.

That would be something awesome to try sometime. I can just picture the reactions of the other people in the store... or the headlines in the paper the next morning, lol.

Now this is one piece of fandom merchandise I do not require. However, it is very clever and seems to be quite well-crafted. It's amazing the things you can get with a Middle-earth theme to them nowadays... which I am not complaining about at all!

I'm fairly sure this wins an award for the most awesome nursery of all time. Just sayin'.

S'mores. WIN.

I've never even heard of or seen 'pppp' in musical notation before! Gah! And how can you do a tremolo with only one note? I'm assuming this is not for piano... Even so, what do you call 'pppp'? 'p' is piano, since that's Italian for 'softly' or 'quietly', and 'pp' is pianissimo, and 'ppp' is pianississimo, or something like that, so does that meant that 'pppp' is pianissississimo?

Goodness.

Must remember to bring this up with my music teacher tomorrow.

In Pace Christi,

Elyse